


Together

by phoenixburncold



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Regret, Sassy, Sastiel - Freeform, Working through feelings, shared feelings, together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:38:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4305414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixburncold/pseuds/phoenixburncold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Castiel remember their pasts and find comfort in each others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Be gentle. First Sastiel.

Sam could feel it. The power surged through his very veins. It burned with every breath, every beat of his heart. He looked at his forearms, hands clutched in fists against the pain. He was glowing a sickening purple, the power held in his body breaking him apart. It hurt, it burned, it washed away his impurities, making him something past a mere human.

Sam knew he was dying, he could feel it. And he accepted it. _For Dean,_ Sam thought. _For my brother, who has done so much for me. This is me, giving back._

His hands fisted again the pain becoming unbearable. But he would bear it, for Dean, for the world. Sam groaned, slicked with seat and glowing, his body just different levels of pain.

He woke soaked in sweat. Letting out a short shout, Sam panted.

In an instant Castiel was there, his cool hand on Sam's forehead. The light of the room had turned on and Sam squinted against it. His sweat dried on his skin, Castiel's touch like a cool breeze.

"Another dream?" Castiel asked softly as Sam sat up, still panting.

"More like a memory," Sam managed before swallowing heavily. He looked away from Cass, not wanting the pity that poured from the angel's eyes. Castiel sat on the bed beside Sam's long legs still under the sheets.

"I know what it's like," Castiel said softly.

"What?"

"I know what it's like," the angel said again, looking deeply into Sam's eyes. "To have all that power surging within you. To have that purpose in your mind so deeply it doesn't matter what happens to your flesh, as long as you can finish the mission you've set for yourself.

Sam blinked several times as he looked at Cass. He didn't mind that the angel had peaked into his head. The angel had done it several times before and there had been a lot worse in his head. Sam had never really thought of it before. "Yea," he said weakly. "I guess we've both had our share of that."

Castiel looked sadly at Sam. "At least you were trying to stop Hell," the angel said, dropping his gaze to the sheets. "I killed thousands just to prove a point."

"Hey," Sam said. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't know how much of that was really you and how much was the Leviathan. They chewed into you pretty bad."

"I suppose," Castiel said, eyes still on the bedspread.

"I mean it," Sam said, letting his hand fall over Castiel's, forcing the angel to look up at him. Blue eyes met hazel ones.

Without really knowing what he was doing, Sam leaned forward and kissed the angel. Startled but still, Castiel found Sam's lips to be warm and copied his action. Lips separated and the angel found he enjoyed this sensation even more, Sam's tongue brushing against his.

Then suddenly Sam pulled away. "I'm sorry," he said, eyes wide. "I...I don't even know why -"

Castiel's lips against his silenced the hunter. Both sets of eyes closed and a sigh slipped from each throat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter...wasn't actually expecting this to be a multiple chapter thing but then my hand slipped. I'm (not) sorry.

Sam pulled the shirt over his head before smoothing the fold lines. The sleeves were just a little too tight on his arms but it was his only clean shirt. He sighed, making a note to do the laundry later that day. He felt a stab in his heart as he wondered if Dean had any laundry he would want cleaned. The events of the past few days washed over him like a nightmare.  


Possessed by an angel, who turned out to be one of Heaven’s longest prisoners, he had done things he couldn’t even begin to be forgiven for. Kevin was dead, along with who knew how many others. And then to make things even more complicated and disgusting _Crowely _, the demon who Sam had nearly cured of being just that, was in his mind and body too. Sam shook his head, never thinking he’d ever be grateful a demon won out against an angel. But the only one in Sam’s head now was Sam…and occasionally Castiel, but he didn’t mind Cass being there.  
__

_Gadreel _, Castiel had said was the name of the angel who had possessed him, and supposedly helped keep Sam alive.  
__

The tall hunter sighed again, moving to the small mirror on the dresser in his room. Dark crescent moons under his eyes, noticeably a few pounds lighter, and several new wrinkles were all the physical remains of the possession. But in his head, and heart, and maybe even soul too, he felt wrong. Disgusting. Unworthy. And his one chance to fix that, to make the Earth a better place, had been taken from him because of Dean. Sam heaved another sigh, turning away from himself. Dean, who was now so wrecked with guilt from what had happened because of his lies he had left Sam alone.  


Soft footsteps padded outside his closed door, making Sam turn. _Well, not completely alone_ , he amended. Castiel was there. And the angel had brought even more confusion into his life recently.  


Sam winced suddenly, gripping the edge of the dresser as a massive wave of pain shattered across his body. The pain ripped across Sam so bad he had to squeeze his eyes shut and fall slowly to his knees, fingers still gripping the dresser. His voice made a noise of pain that was more like a wounded animal than human.  


Castiel was there before the sound had finished ripping itself from Sam’s throat. “Sam!”  


Sam let out his breath through his gritted teeth before he felt Castiel’s hand press against the bare skin of his upper arm. The pain vanished and the response was immediate. Sam opened his eyes, his mouth open to let out a soft gasp, his hand dropping from the dresser. Sam looked at Castiel as he stood. The angel’s concern was etched into his face.  


“Are you alright?” Castiel asked, his gruff voice touched by the concern as well.  


“Yea,” breathed Sam before he looked at his forearms. They were a little pale but nothing out of the ordinary gleamed under his skin. “Yea, I’m good.”  


For a moment they stood there, the angel craning his head slightly to look Sam in the eyes. They were silent, each remembering the two kisses they had shared the night before. For a brief moment Sam wondered if Castiel’s lips would feel the same now as they did at night. But it had just been a mistake, just a need to have physical comfort, to know they weren’t alone in the night…the first night since Dean had left them both. There wasn’t any real love behind them – right? They were friends, close friends, brothers even; there wasn’t…couldn’t be anything…romantic there, surely. Sam cleared his throat. “So…uh…breakfast?”  


Castiel’s eyes darkened a moment before pulling away from him. “I do not require food,” the angel replied. “You know that.”  


“Yea,” Sam said, suddenly wondering if he had hurt the angel. “Well, I meant for me. _I’ll_ get myself some breakfast.” He passed Castiel, heading for the open door and the kitchen beyond, letting out the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding halfway there.  


Castiel followed him at a distance.  


Sam shifted to look for the frying pan. Eggs were simple and there was nearly full carton in the refrigerator. Sam watched Castiel out of the corner of his eye, tracing the angel’s path to the other side of the kitchen to stand by the stairs that led up to the main floor. Sam set the stove to heat the pan before pulling out a plate and glass. He set a piece of bread in the toaster and watched the coils glow red as the device did its purpose. The hunter cracked the three eggs, separating them from each other and waiting a few moments before flipping them over. He broke one, sighed, and scrambled it. All the while Sam could feel Castiel’s eyes watching him, following his every move. He ignored the feeling, reminding himself he felt that way any time it was just him and Cass. Slipping the OJ from the fridge, Sam poured himself a glass. The toast popped up, his eggs were done. The hunter slipped the items onto his place, slathered the toast with mayonnaise and grabbed the plate and glass in each hand before heading up to the table. Castiel followed, silent. He watched Sam eat.  


“Dude, _what_?” Sam finally asked around his fourth bite of eggs.  


Castiel's eyes werepiercing. “What?” the angel replied.  


“What is it, Cass?” Sam said before swallowing. “Why are you staring at me like that?”  


“I am concerned about you, Sam.”  


Sam tried not to read too much into that. _Just concern for a friend _, he reminded himself. “I’m _fine_ , Cass,” he insisted before mopping up the last of the over easy egg with his toast.  
__

“Ten minutes ago you were kneeling on the floor of your bedroom in too much pain to breathe correctly,” Castiel snapped. “You are _not_ fine.”  


“Temporary pain. I _did_ just come out of having two supernatural entities fighting in my body.”  


The look in Castiel’s face made Sam blink. Castiel looked…almost broken, as if it was somehow his fault Sam had gone through what he had. But that would be ridiculous. It was Dean’s fault if anyone was to blame…which Sam was trying desperately not to. Sam sighed and finished his breakfast.  


“Cass you gotta stop looking at me like that. It’s not your fault.”  


Castiel looked down and away. “In a way it is. I should have known.”  


“How would you have known? You were _human_. I mean, come on. You literally had your grace pulled out of you. No one expected you to know.”  


“I should have realized Metatron was tricking me,” Castiel said, mournfully, eyes still downcast. “I could have stopped everything if I had just listened to Naomi.”  


“Cass,” Sam sighed. “She brainwashed you into almost killing Dean. Not a great track record.”  


“Still, Sam. I am sorry.” Castiel’s eyes flicked up to Sam for only a moment.  


“Cass…”  


They were silent, memories and regrets filling the air between them. Then Sam settled his hand over Castiel’s, leaning forward, needing to comfort him. The angel’s blue eyes looked up into his hazel ones. Sam noticed Castiel’s lips were chapped, yet again. _Why the hell am I even looking at his lips?_ Sam wondered. _Wait, when did I start noticing his lips were chapped in the first place?_

Castiel blinked. He looked up through his black eyelashes at Sam, a questioning look in his eyes. “Sam,” he said gruffly.  


“Yea,” Sam said absentmindedly looking at Castiel’s eyes.  


“Is it customary for friends to have their hands on top of each other for this length of time?”  


Sam jerked his hand off Castiel’s, straightening in the chair. “Ahh, yea,” Sam said, looking away. “Sure.”


End file.
